The Secret Regrets of Married Men
This happens more than men want to admit, and when they speak up, they’re often vilified for it.
But as a woman, I think more women need to understand his side of things.
Women go through life only seeing one side, and that doesn’t benefit their husbands.
There’s no buyer’s remorse quite like marriage to the wrong person.
And yes, ladies, he bought into an ideal of a life with you, just as you were sold an ideal too.
Over 50% of men regret marriage.
I believe that number is much higher, but men won’t say the quiet part out loud.
They suppress their feelings, especially when their feelings are weaponized against them.
The truth is, a man would rather be single than live with a woman who gives him buyer’s remorse.
Buyer’s remorse feels like opening a door, walking in, and having the door lock behind you with no way out.
But why?
Imagine realizing you have no way out without losing everything.
Becoming outcasted and hated by those you love.
This is what many men face daily in their marriages to the wrong woman.
The lack of independence a man feels in marriage can ruin his view of relationships forever.
Now imagine working tirelessly for your own money, only to be forced into spending it on home decor, unnecessary things, or worse, some trip which she ends up spending on Instagram pictures.
Yet, this is what men in many relationships are forced to do.
The Financial Trap
Many men lose financial independence in marriage.
A man values his financial independence. But after marriage, he’s expected to cater to his wife’s endless wants, which, let’s be honest, are often unnecessary, especially when society encourages women to have unrealistic expectations.
This is why I believe a woman should not only contribute financially but also be realistic about lifestyle needs.
She should be saving her husband money, reducing his expenses, not the other way around.
If she has personal preferences he can’t afford, she should be responsible enough to cover them herself.
Otherwise, it becomes a problem.
Especially when a man wants to buy things he enjoys and has rightfully earned.
If he has future goals, retirement, investments, financial freedom, those get pushed back if she isn’t contributing.
The Burden of Lifestyle
Children.
Home decor.
Extra cars.
Vacations.
It all adds up. And if the lifestyle isn’t simplified and she doesn’t have sustainable income, it all falls on him.
And then there’s social media, another factor that’s ruined relationships by promoting comparisons and fake lifestyles.
Women expect a man to entertain them.
That is NOT his responsibility.
The “grass is greener” mentality is a major distraction in marriages today.
The Reality Check
No one gets married planning to be miserable.
We all think marriage will make life better and it should.
But too many men find their lives aren’t better. They’re worse.
They thought they were getting a woman who wanted to fulfill their fantasies.
Instead, they get a prude who never wants to have sex.
Instead of passion, he’s met with constant criticism and nagging.
Spontaneity is replaced with control.
A lack of respect.
A lack of love.
The “ball and chain” joke?
It has truth behind it.
After all, comedy is based on real life.
Emotional Maturity is Rare
Marriage requires a whole new level of emotional maturity that most people aren’t equipped for.
Even those who are, it takes years to fully learn.
Both sides have to be on board.
A wife who lacks emotional maturity will fight every decision he makes.
That friction wears a man down.
Resentment builds.
Love dies.
Marriage Has a Hierarchy
If a wife doesn’t understand that there is a structure:
God
Husband
Wife
Children
Parents
Everything falls apart.
There cannot be two drivers.
Women who are happiest in marriage understand that.
Marriage is NOT a Partnership
It is not a business arrangement.
It is not a “partnership.”
Just like you book an Airbnb and expect certain things to be provided, a husband expects certain things from his wife.
And a wife expects certain things from her husband.
But too many people go into relationships without understanding their roles.
His home is a place of comfort.
Not a museum.
Yet, women turn the home into a representation of who they are, because that’s what media tells them is “Normal.”
All to sell more stuff.
And create less financial independence for men.
This hamster wheel leaves men with nothing but buyer’s remorse.
The Risk of Setting Boundaries
People will say, “Just set boundaries.”
Sure. But what happens when he does?
He’s met with misery from his wife.
Drawing that line often leads to divorce, as women now use the D-word as their Plan B.
And that puts his assets and his children on the line.
A wife should be on her husband’s side.
But too many women are only on his side as long as things go her way.
When things stop going her way?
She makes him suffer.
The Tactics Women Use
Withholding affection
Silent treatment
Being critical
Judging him
Nagging
Disrespect
This erodes a man’s self-esteem.
This is emasculation.
This is evil.
How Can a Man Navigate This?
If a woman does NOT add value beyond sex, a man should NOT consider marriage.
Even if she’s “marriage material,” how does he navigate when the state is involved?
Because once the state is involved, the marriage is tied to the state.
And that gives her power over him.
Over his assets.
Which is why marriage does NOT work if she isn’t financially invested.
If she doesn’t lose in the same way he does, then it’s not a fair deal.
The Only Way Forward
The only way for a man to protect himself is to build a solid foundation before marriage.
One that is unmovable.
So that she follows.
It’s not “you move for her.”
It’s “she moves for you.”
You have to treat the relationship like a full-time job and commit to it daily.
It took me over 10 years to learn this.
But from my own experience, it has helped us immensely.
The Death of Marriage
It’s one thing to help her.
It’s another to be overly accommodating.
When a husband is too accommodating, he puts himself in a position where making her “happy” is a never-ending job.
Over time, he does less of what he loves.
And more of what she wants.
Just to keep her happy.
Then she depends on him for everything.
Including excitement.
And that is how marriages die every day.
Don’t get buyer’s remorse.